Ok, my wife didn't say it exactly, but after reading my past several posts she pointed out that the blog had not made her laugh and that there weren't any funny stories. Please keep in mind that I am not a comedian, I'm a pastor. And I don't write the blog simply to entertain, but also to inform. But a smart man listens to the advice of his wife. So please enjoy the rest of this entry as I try to provide you with some of the humor that I have selfishly kept from you (or perhaps protected you from).
So, what's funny to you? A lot of people find physical humor to be funny and easy. I was leaving the house today while pulling a large, empty box behind me. Why did I have this box? Because before it was empty it contained a new desk chair. Why did I need a new chair? Because the one that I have used for many years decided that it no longer wanted to hold me! The old chair tried magnificently to dump me to the ground. I got to the point where sitting on that chair required all of my focus, or else I would tumble to the ground. I caught myself several times, but it never succeeded in dumping me all the way to the floor (there were some very close calls). I now realize that I was devoting all of my attention to self-preservation, and therefore I had no creativity available for humor.
So I was dragging this large box out from the new chair out the door and down the front steps. In my other hand I was holding an open drink. I had just locked the door behind me, so my keys were in my other hand. And in my other hand I was carrying some papers. Since I am not a monster or an action figure, I really only have two hands. But as I attempted to carry too many items I fell victim to the clumsiness inherent in my heredity. It wasn't so much a lack of coordination- I think it had more to do with the fact that my ankle rolled right out from underneath me. Once again, my tremendous instinct for self-preservation kicked in and I managed to avoid falling to the ground. But the cost of staying upright was two-fold- first, I have continuing pain in my ankle which rolled; second, I seem to have lost some of my ability for humor as all of my attention was focused on my ankle.
Of course my children provide lots of material for comic relief. Again, physical humor gets the easy laughs. I'll avoid telling you which of the kids did these things in order to protect the guilty, but one of them recently had a booger on the top of their head- not absolutely certain about how that happened. At dinner tonight one child was not feeling well. Then came a long and pronounced experience with flatulence which brought a big smile to her face. All of her stomach problems farted away and she became a happy camper. Meanwhile, the rest of us were trying to eat. Okay, so the rest of us laughed as well and all was right with the world for that moment.
To my wife, I apologize for not being funny enough. To everyone else, watch out for office chairs and ground that attacks. And remember that being there when someone else passes gas can bring a smile to your face- or it might just choke you and finish off the job that the ground and the chair started.